


it's election night (and regina hates trump)

by xtrashhmagicx



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Humor, US Politics - Freeform, emma is just trying to get laid, regina is a raging liberal, this is so stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:20:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27377866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtrashhmagicx/pseuds/xtrashhmagicx
Summary: quick one-shot of Regina during election seasonalternate title: im drunk watching the election results and this is what happened
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 6
Kudos: 106





	it's election night (and regina hates trump)

**Author's Note:**

> this is meant to be funny and cracky, might not be for the conservative of conservatives

_Storybrooke, 2020. One month before the election._

Regina was planting flowers in her garden and arranging her pumpkin display for fall. Humming to herself, she heard a commotion from across the street. She walked down to the sidewalk, ready to fireball whatever threat lay ahead.

The threat, however, came in the form of a yard sign.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me?!” Regina yelled at her neighbor, the one and only Albert Spencer/King George, who had just placed a Trump 2020 sign in his yard.

“I believe in putting America first. What’s so wrong with that?” he sassed back.

“We aren’t even in America, George!”

“Build the wall!” he screamed back. “Mexico will pay!”

“Mexico isn’t paying for it, the Americans are!”

“I support coal!”

“We use clean energy and fairy dust in Storybrooke you idiot! Fossil fuels are horrible for the environment! Climate change is real, George. Get that sign out of my sight.”

“Or what, your majesty? It’s freedom of speech! It’s my first amendment right!”

“Again, we aren’t in the fucking United States! This is a monarchy! Fuck your rights!” Regina threw a fireball at the sign, sending it up in flames.

George yelped and jumped backwards, aghast. “You’ll regret that, Madam Mayor! I won’t be oppressed! I am the silent majority!”

“Go to hell!”

_Three days and $35 express-two-day-shipping later_

Regina lined her yard with three different signs: Biden-Harris 2020, Love is Love, and Abolish ICE. She took several steps back, admiring her work with a grin. Emma watched her girlfriend from the porch, smiling proudly at the brunette queen. Regina had always been interested in world politics, but she had gotten increasingly passionate lately.

As Regina turned to join Emma, they heard a shout from across the road.

“What happened to, ‘we aren’t in America’, Madam Mayor? Are you in with the corrupt Clintons?”

“Since you insist upon putting up a new sign every day, I decided to do the same. At least someone in this neighborhood has to have common decency.”

“Common decency?! That’s rich coming from the former _Evil Queen_!”

“Children in cages, George!” Regina retorted.

“They should’ve came here legally! Make America Great Again!”

“ _You_ didn’t come here legally! You were brought here from a curse.”

“And who’s fault is that?”

“So, you agree that kids who are brought here by their parents aren’t at fault and don’t deserve to be punished? And thus, shouldn’t be separated from them and treated poorly?”

“You’re twisting my words, you libturd.”

“Conserva-shit!”

“ALRIGHT!” Emma broke them up. “Baby, please come inside. He’s not worth it.”

Regina reluctantly agreed, only because Emma had whispered in her ear about how hot she’d made her from her passionate display. With one last death glare at George, she took Emma’s hand and went back inside. But not before sending another fireball at the make-shift Trump Train he assembled in his yard.

_Election Night, 2020_

“Regina, look, I get that you don’t want him to win; I don’t either. But we aren’t even a part of the United States! You rule Storybrooke independently. Does it really…matter?”

Regina gave Emma an incredulous look. “I’m a good person now, Emma. I _care_ about people.”

Emma raised an eyebrow.

“And it’s only a matter of time before they come here and force us to become part of the United States. What if they trying to drill for oil here? We will not frack in Storybrooke, Emma! Joe has already pledged to let us remain independent. Meanwhile, current idiot in chief said that since we're in Maine, we should be _assimilated_ into the United States. Assimilated! I will not stand for that.”

Someone knocked at the door as Regina was ranting about the dangers of fracking, and Emma yelled for them to come in. Snow and Charming entered with Neal in tow, who was clad in a Settle for Biden t-shirt to match his parents.

“Hey guys, what’s going on over here?” Snow asked. David sat a six pack on the coffee table, to which Emma immediately lunged toward.

“Regina has Trump Derangement Syndrome,” Emma supplied, earning a glare from the queen.

“I do not!”

David cracked open a beer, motioning to the TV. “Looks like Biden is leading in Ohio.”

"What's even in Ohio?" Emma asked, having never been to the state.

"I don't know, corn?" David shrugged.

Regina bit her nails, uncharacteristic of the refined Queen. “I still can’t wrap my head around this Electoral College. Why are they giving _land_ a vote?”

“It’s so the most populated states don’t control the entire election,” Snow replied.

“I suppose that’s understandable. But shouldn’t there be an exception if the other candidate wins by such a huge margin, like when Hillary beat the moron by three million votes?”

“There should be, but America has strange rules.”

Regina nodded. “Strange, indeed. I saw that they have to wait in lines all day just to vote. I hope all of the mail in votes are counted.”

Emma rested her hand on Regina’s shoulder. “They will be, babe. Want me to make you a drink?”

“Apple cider, please,” Regina requested. Emma pressed a quick kiss to her lips and set off into the kitchen.

Neal, now fourteen years old, shouted “ACAB!” after her.

Emma looked at him in shock. “What the hell, dude?”

Neal just shrugged. “Regina tweeted it.”

Emma raised her eyebrows at her girlfriend. “Since when do you _tweet_? And why does my little brother follow you?”

Regina averted her eyes and mumbled, “Since I became interested in US politics.”

“And Regina’s cool,” Neal added.

Emma scoffed, never thinking she’d see the day when she wasn’t considered the cool one in the relationship.

After a quick search, Emma pulled up Regina’s twitter page. Emma strode back in with her apple cider in hand, sidling up next to the queen. “I hope when you say ‘fuck the police’, you mean it literally.”

Regina blushed, biting her lip before leaning in and giving Emma a passionate kiss.

“OKAY, I can see that we are not needed for this election party,” Snow grumbled, ushering her family out of the mansion.

And in a perfect world Emma and Regina would be fucking on the couch as Biden was declared the next president of the United States.


End file.
